Back to Budapest
by wannabe-an-author1864
Summary: Clint and Natasha struggle with their emotions for one another as they head back to Budapest
1. Natasha's POV Chapter 1

Natasha's POV

"Love is for children," I said this, but that was before I fell in love with Clint, my partner of a good many years. We met on an assassin mission, he was supposed to kill me but he made a different call. We were together ever second of every day from that moment on. I knew that I could trust him with my life. That was until Loki came. Loki came and did something to Clint's mind, making him do terrible things. That's when I realized I loved him, its stupid really love; when you begin to love someone, you lose them, that's all I've ever known. That is why Clint can never know this any of this. Protecting him that's my first priority and it always will be.

At night, I still hear Loki's voice and he fills my nightmares.

"I'll make him kill you slowly intimately in every way he knows you fear, and then I'll free him letting him see what he's done and when he screams in horror, I'll crack his skull." Loki sneered wickedly.

"Clint, please no!" I heard a voice scream, I turned around to see myself in a mirror. I watched in horror as one of Clint's arrows soared through the air and straight through my heart, killing me. My body fell to the floor and I saw Clint approach my body.

"Well done," Loki said coming up behind Clint.

"Thank you sir," he smiled proud of his work. My heart stopped as Loki brought his scepter to Clint's chest. Suddenly Clint's eyes turned bright blue, and the blue flew into the scepter. Clint's face began to soften.

"Look at your work my slave!" Loki yelled.

"I don't work…" He stopped when he saw blood on his hands, my blood. He turned and saw my body. "Tasha!" he yelled his hands running through my hair before taking my body into his arms. "What did you do to her?"

"Nothing you mewling qwim you did that!" Loki yelled as he placed the scepter around Clint's neck and broke it.

"No!" I screamed as the image faded away.

"Black widow," a voice grumbled behind me. I turned and saw Clint, his bow pointed at me.

"Clint, please, no!" I screamed.


	2. Clint's POV Chapter 2

Clint's POV

It was late when I heard Tasha scream.

"Clint! No! Clint!" she screamed.

Quickly I sprang from my bed and sprinted down the hall to Tasha's room. I flung the door open and found her bed empty.

"No!" I thought the Red Room had gotten her. Suddenly I saw that her balcony door was open. When I went outside I found Tasha standing on the railing looking as if she was ready to jump. "Tasha!" I screamed grabbing her from the rail and pulling her into my arms.

"Stop! Clint! No!" She screamed flailing. She began to punch and claw at my chest.

"Nat!" I yelled in attempt to wake her up. However, she just continued screaming and I was starting to get scared, I had never seen Natasha like this. "Natasha!" I screamed waking her up.

"Clint," she said her eyes looking curiously into mine. "What happened?"

I wrapped my arms around her tightly, "I heard you screaming, you were having a nightmare." I watched as her face softened and her eyes started to fill with tears.

"How did we end up on the balcony?" She asked standing up and gripping the railing.

"I found you out here, you were going to jump. Nat, what was your dream?" I asked placing my hands on her shoulders.

"It was nothing," she said walking into the room.

"Tasha, we have never kept secrets from each other before, please tell me." I begged fallowing her.

"I'm fine."

"Fine!" I yelled, "You were trying to kill yourself! What in the hell was your dream."

"Clint, I'm fine."

"Alright fine then, I'll just go."

"No please stay," she said, and I saw the emotion in her eyes. "Stay with me, for tonight."

I nodded not saying a word as I climbed into bed. She laid down with me, laying her head on my chest.

"Don't worry Nat, I'll protect you." I whispered and she laughed but under her breath, I heard her say, "I know."

When I woke up, I realized that Natasha was gone, however I was not alone.

"Good morning Legolas," Tony said smiling.

I groaned; let's just say that Mr. Stark was not my favorite person.

"Where is T… Natasha,"

"She went down to the gym," He said. "You and spidy huh, how long has…"

"Tasha and I are not together!" I yelled. Suddenly his eyes widened when I accidently let her nickname slip.

"Oh so you and Tasha are not together," he smiled again.

"Arg!" I groaned leaving.

I headed down to the gym as I was walking down the hall I heard Tony yell, "Say hi to Spidy for me," fallowed by a laugh. I quickened my pace.

When I reached the gym, I saw her. Her red curls bouncing each time she hit the bag. She looked beautiful. I loved her so much, but I never told her. We were partners I couldn't jeopardize that by telling her how I feel. She wasn't the only one having nightmares. Ever since New York, I couldn't sleep. In my nightmares, I killed Tasha over and over again. Ever night I heard her screams in my head and I saw her blood on my hands. She's my everything, so the thought of me hurting her killed me.

"Are you just going to stand there staring, or are you gonna fight," she said knocking my feet out from under me. My shoulder ached as it hit the ground. Quickly I was up wrapping my arms around her, pulling her to the ground. Suddenly a voice came from her phone.

"I'll make him kill you," it said and her face flushed.

Quickly I pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Clint," she whispered trying to grab the phone but I pinned her to the ground. Although Nat was a better hand fighter than me, I was stronger.

There was a video on her phone that was playing; it must have started when she hit the ground. I rewound the video, a surveillance tape from Loki's prison. He was talking to Tasha.

"I'll make him kill you slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear, and then I'll free him, letting him see what he's done, and when he screams in horror, I'll crack his skull!" Loki yelled. Tasha turned around her eyes looking into the camera, they were filled with fear.

I stopped the video, got off Tasha, and handed her the phone back.

"Clint," she whispered.

I just stood there, not moving, all I could see was Loki's voice echoing through my brain.

"Clint," Tasha said again setting her hands on my shoulders.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked turning back towards her.

"No, Clint it was all Loki, don't blame yourself."

"Did I hurt you!"

"No!"

"Did I try?"

She stayed silent.

"Natasha, did I try to hurt you?"

"Clint, I'm fine, see, I'm fine." She said taking my face in her hands.

"I remember Tasha," I said thinking back, "I remember him telling me to kill you, and, and I just agreed, I was going to do it."

"And then I hit you in the head," she laughed but I just stared seriously. "Clint, come on, can we just drop this."

Then it hit me. "That was what your dream was about wasn't it?"

"What?"

"Your nightmare, it was about me killing you wasn't it!"

She stayed silent.

"Wasn't it!"

"Yes, Clint, it was, ok, are you happy, is that what you wanted to hear." She said but I was done, I just walked out.

"Clint, Clint!" Her yells faded.

I walked down the hall, passing Tony who made some snarky comment but I just kept walking, I was heading to the nest; it was the only place I could think. When I reached it, I sat down, breathing deeply trying to contain my anger. "What had I done to Tasha? I should have tried harder." These thoughts ran through my mind. I punched the railing ignoring the pain.

"I bet that hurt hawk." A voice said.

"Tasha, please, tell me what I did."

"To be honest Barton, I hurt you more than you me. All you did was pull my hair and give me a couple bruises. I'm fine Clint really."

I sighed in relief but stayed silent as she came and sat next to me.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"You, Loki, Phil," I said sadness filling my voice.

She leaned her head onto my shoulder. "I'm sorry Clint; I know you two were close."

"All I keep thinking is, that if I would have been stronger I could have fought back maybe I could have saved him."

"I told you, we were never trained for stuff like this." She said putting her hand around my neck pulling me close.

"Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton to conference room immediately."

Quickly we head down to the conference room. When we got there, there were two folders on the table but the room was empty. Silently we took our seats. I opened the folder and saw where we were going.

"Budapest," Tasha said reading it aloud.

"Yes Agent Romanoff," Fury said appearing out of nowhere, "Budapest."

I saw Tasha smile.

"Your target is this man," a picture came up on the screen. The man looked to be about in his forties and his hairline was reseeding. His eyes stared coldly sending chills down my spine. "Jonathan Marco."

"What's the plan boss," I said before Natasha kicked me in the shin. "I mean Director, sir." Phil was always the one to keep me in check, now it was Natasha's job.

"He needs to be eliminated; however, he has a lot of connections so killing him in broad daylight is out of the question. Therefore, we need to kill him when he is alone. And the only time he is every alone is when he is," Fury coughed, "entertaining. Agent Romanoff you job will be to seduce him and get him alone.

I cringed at the thought of Tasha having to seduce this creep.

"And Agent Barton you will be Romanoff's date and protector. If anything seems fishy, you get her out."

Nat opened her mouth in protest, but Fury shut her down.

"Barton will pull you out if he deems fit, we would not like to relive Taiwan would we."

Under the table I saw Tasha hand fly to a particular spot on her thigh. I remembered Taiwan; it was the mission that I almost lost her. It had been the first mission we were separated. I was in Rio at the time, until I got the call.


	3. Taiwan Chapter 3

Clint's POV

"Phil, I don't really have time for a social chat…"

"We are pulling you out."

"What! Why, I'm doing fine, there aren't any complications…"

"It's Romanoff."

As soon as he said that, I was out of there quickly booking the next flight back home.

"Phil is she alive?" I asked boarding the plane my voice cracking.

"Just hurry Clint." He replied as I took my seat.

"Phil is she dead!" I screamed into the phone causing everyone on the plane to stare at me.

"She's alive, for now, but it's pretty bad."

"Why did you tell me?"

"I know how much you care about her."

I cleared my throat, a little embarrassed that Phil knew.

"Now get some sleep, you'll need it when you get down here."

"You keep her alive 'til I get there, ok Phil."

"Alright hawk, just hurry."

Then he hung up. I sat listening to the silence of the phone, and then the tears came. I hadn't actually cried in years, crying was a sign of weakness, of emotion, and in my profession that's what could get you killed. I couldn't sleep, so I just sat scrolling though pictures on my phone that were of Tasha and me."

"Can I get you anything sir?" The flight attendant asked.

Quickly I wiped the tears out of my eyes. "No I'm fine, thank you, how much longer?"

"Only forty minutes until we land."

I hadn't realized how long I had been looking through photos. After the attendant left I got a little bit of rest before I heard, "please fasten your seatbelt, we are making our descent."

After the plane landed, I hurried in to the company car that was waiting for me; it was the longest car ride of my life. When we reached S.H.I.E.L.D, I raced up the stares, and almost ripped the front doors off.

"Barton, we need you to calm down." Some agents, who I had never met, told me.

"Where is she?" I asked but my voice was muffled by the wave of noise from the other agents.

"Barton just sit…"

"Where is she!" I screamed causing the noise to stop. It was completely silent until another voice echoed through the corridor.

"Barton!" The voice yelled; Phil.

I turned and saw Phil coming towards me. Before I knew it, I was traveling down a hall to the infirmary, I assumed.

"You didn't sleep did you?" He asked.

"Did you think that I would be able to?"

"I guess not," Then he stopped right in front of the door.

"Why did we stop?"

"Clint, I must warn you, she is really bad off."

"Please," I begged.

"Alright," he said opening the door, "I'll be out here when you're done."

Slowly I walked into the room.

"Agent Barton, Agent Coulson said you would come, fallow me." A nurse said leading me down a hall. That's when I saw her. She was hooked up to all of these wires, and her face was bloodied and bruised. I stopped in the doorway not willing myself to go in. For the longest time I just watched her breathe, that was the only thing I could focus on, the rise and fall of her chest. Then, it stopped, her breathing stopped. Her heart monitor flat lined. I tried to get to her but the nurses held me back. Usually I would have fought them, it would have been easy, but all the strength had left my body.

"Agent Barton, please, we can't help her if we have to hold you back."

I got the message; I stopped fighting them and left. Slowly I walked to the hall. When I saw Phil, I broke down. He wrapped his arms around me as I sobbed into his shoulder. Phil was the only one who had ever seen me like this, he was the one who brought me in and listen to every horrifying moment I had to tell of my life before S.H.I.E.L.D. He was the closest thing I had to a father, a family.

"I love her Phil, if, if she dies, she'll take all of me with her."

Although Phil stayed silent, I felt comfort in confessing these things to him. For the longest time I just held onto Phil crying, then the nurse came out.

"How is she?" Phil asked as I composed myself.

"She's stable," she said wiping sweat from her brow. "Agent Barton she's been calling for you."

"She's awake?" I asked.

"No, but she's has been mumbling your name."

I looked over at Phil hoping he would understand.

"I need to talk to the doctor." Phil said as if hearing my silent prayer. I didn't want to be alone. Together we walked back to Tasha's room. And again, I stopped at the door, as if there was a force holding me back.

"Clint," she mumbled causing me to come rushing to her side.

"Hey Nat, I'm here," I whispered grabbing her hand. Phil came up behind me with a chair. "Thanks," I said sitting down, my eyes never leaving her face.

"I'm going to go talk to the doctor." Phil said gripping my shoulder before leaving.

The silence in the room was unbearable. "Nat," I started my voice soft. "You got to hold on, for me, ok, because if I lose you, who's gonna keep me in check on missions, and stop me from being a total ass. I mean, there's Phil but we both know that I almost never listen to him." I smiled or attempted to. "But I listen to you, and I need you Tasha, I need you. I love you." I kissed her hand.

For three days she didn't wake up, and for three days I never left her side. I had learned that she had been tortured; she had been shot in the thigh, a knife had sliced across her stomach and both of her wrists had been slit. Lucky, that's what the nurses kept calling her, lucky. However, I knew that Natasha wasn't lucky, she was a fighter. She never quit, even when it was needed.

"Clint," she mumbled waking up, her emerald eyes looking into mine causing my heart to skip.

"Morning sleeping beauty," I smiled, lightly kissing her forehead.


	4. Clint's POV Chapter 4

"Barton!" Fury yelled snapping me back to reality.

"Sorry sir!" I yelled back bringing my hand to my head as to salute him, which earned me another kick in the shin from Natasha.

"You leave in 18 hours, so you better start packing."

We both stood up and Natasha had left when Fury pull me aside.

"Barton…"

"I'm sorry sir, I spaced off…"

"Barton, I need you to watch out for Agent Romanoff. You know how she can get into her assignments and she doesn't exactly know when to quit does she?"

"No sir," I said meekly. Fury didn't intimidate me, but it was strange to hear him talk a about Tasha in the matter he was speaking in.

"I trust you to keep her safe."

"I will sir, always."

"Alright, well here's the company card," he said handing me a credit card. "You will both need attire for a party." I smiled as I grabbed the card. I loved using the company credit card, spending other peoples money was my favorite pass time.

I started to walk out when Fury yelled, "And this time, no buying any expensive cars."

I laughed at the thought of him thinking I would fallow that request.


	5. Natasha's PoV Chapter 5

Natasha's POV

Budapest, it wouldn't be the same without Phil on the other line. Quickly I began packing, first my clothes, then my weapons. This mission was going to be harder than usual. In past missions where Clint and I were married, we just joked around, but it would be different now that my feelings for him had changed.

"Elizabeth," a voice called from my door and I recognized that it was Clint's.

"Yes Jeremy," I called out.

"Would my lovely wife like some help packing?"

"Is my wonderful husband done PMSing," I smiled.

"Yes," he grumbled.

I walked over to the door and opened it. Clint charged me and I fell to the floor bring him down with me. "Barton!" I yelled as he laughed on top of me.

"I'm sorry," he laughed still not budging.

"What were you trying to do, break the door down?" I said trying not to laugh.

"I'm sorry to have injured you, my dear Lizzie."

"Oh hell no," I said shoving him off me.

"What?"

"You can call me Elizabeth, or Mrs. Lance, defiantly not Lizzie."

"Then you must call me dear," he smiled.

"No!"

"Lizzie, we should begin to pack," he smiled.

"Ugh," I said throwing a pillow at him. He caught it and then threw it back.

"Lizzie," he rubbed in and I charged him sending him to the ground. While I was on top of him, he tangled his legs around mine flipping us over so he was on top.

"So, I heard…" Tony started walking in. He looked at us and a giant smile spread a crossed his face. "I knew it!" He yelled running back into the hall. "Capsicle, you owe me twenty bucks!"

Quickly Clint stood up, pulling me up with him. "I'll kill him," he grumbled.

"Just forget him," I said zipping up both of my bags. "We'll be leaving soon."

He grumbled as he sat down on the bed. I sat down next to him, "I was thinking how different Budapest is going to be this time."

"I know, we are basically alone on this mission," He stopped as he laid down on the bed, "without Phil."

I lay down with him, intertwining my fingers with his. We sat in silence for a while before Steve burst in.

"No, Tony, this is an invasion of…" He stopped and looked at us.

"See, I told you, now hand it over!" Tony yelled popping out from behind Steve.

Slowly Steve pulled out a twenty and handed it to Tony. Suddenly Clint sat up and threw a knife at Tony. It wised past his head and into the wall. "Out!" Clint screamed. Quickly both were gone. We could hear Tony's yells from down the hall. "He tried to kill me!" He wined.

It was silent again before we burst out in laughter. We laughed for a while before Clint reached into his wallet. "Look what Fury gave me," He said pulling out a credit card.

"No, he didn't," I laughed.

"He did."

"Fury gave you the credit card, again, after what happened last time."

"Hey, it was a necessary purchase." He smiled

"So three Ferraris, and a private jet were absolutely necessary."

"I was supposed to be a billionaire; I can't very well a billionaire without a private jet."

"Fury must be going insane, first he gives you the card and then appoints you as my body guard, it's not like if I died anyone would miss me." I laughed but I looked at his face, his smile was gone.

"Don't joke," he said seriously, "Don't you ever joke about death."

"Clint," I started. "You know that Fury still doesn't trust me. He probably would be relieved that I died."

"When you were injured after Taiwan, Phil call me, and I was here by you side in an instant. I was a wreck Nat, I was so afraid that I was going to loose you. Thank God for Phil, if it wasn't for him, I probably would have gone crazy. Now, Phil's gone, and if I loose you, I, I, don't even know what I would do. You are all I have, so I will be your bodyguard if I have to, and I will pull you out of the mission if it becomes too dangerous. I will protect you at all costs." He said emotion in his voice. His emotion scared me, I knew what he had been through, we had had similar childhoods. However, instead of the red room controlling him, he had his older brother. And I knew what emotions could do to your mind when it seemed like the world was falling down around you.

"Clint, I'm not going anywhere, and if I were to lose you, I don't know what I would do either, you are my best friend and my partner, and I already owe you so much. You've saved my life so many times, so I will protect you too. If you can pull me out then I can pull you out. We have to protect each other. "

He nodded as he pulled me into his embrace. "You're wrong about Fury, after you left he told me to keep you safe."

I sighed as I leaned into his shoulder. I had never been part of a team or a family before I came to S.H.I.E.L.D. Ever since I can remember I have been on my own. Red room taught me that the world is cruel and it wants you to burn. It taught me that the darkness is best. That's all I knew, darkness and hate, until I met Clint. He showed me light and goodness and that I wasn't alone anymore. We grow off each other, becoming better people and better agents. "What are we going to do for the next," I checked my clock. "17 hours and 30 minutes."

"Why don't we take a nap?" Clint said pulling us down onto the bed.

"I didn't know that a hawk needs to take naps," I laughed snuggling onto Clint's chest.

"We're nocturnal; we need our rest during the day so we can have fun at night." He said as he growled like a cat.

"Ha-ha funny Clint, well you know a spider waits until its prey is most vulnerable, before it eats it!" I yelled straddling Clint as I whipped out my knife and set it against his neck.

"Ok, I get it, no nap!" He yelled placing his hands up in surrender

"Oh no, I like the idea of a nap." I smiled.

"Then why are you on top of me!"

"I like surprising you. Its so hard to do that when it happens I can't risk ruining it." I laughed.

"Funny," he grumbled when he suddenly grabbed my knife. Quickly he stabbed it into the headboard before he flipped us over so he was on top. It took me by such a surprise that when he flipped us, my legs gripped his waist. His face was inches from mine as my legs were still gripped to his waist. We stayed like that silent just staring at each other. His blue eyes staring into mine.

"How about that nap?" I said untangling my legs.

"Yes, the nap." He replied clearing his throat.

We were silent as we each got on opposite sides of the bed as far away from each other as physically possible. I just laid there listening to him breathing, hoping that he would say something, anything, to make this moment less awkward, but he stayed as silent as I was. After a while his breathing slowed and I knew he had fallen asleep. Quietly I scooted over to Clint, where his arm was out stretched as if waiting for me to lay there. I whispered in his ear, "I love you my dear hawk," before I laid my head lightly on his arm and fell asleep.


	6. Clint's POV Chapter 6

Clint's POV

"She loves me," I thought lying on the bed with Tasha next to me. She must have thought I was asleep when she came over and whispered in my ear.

"I love you my dear hawk," Her words echoed through my head. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep now, I was to happy. Natasha loved me, however I knew that I could never let her know that I knew that could put her in danger and I could never jeopardize her safety for my own selfish reasons. However I could savor this moment; the girl I loved lying in my arms after confessing her love to me. I sighed, looking at Tasha, her beautiful face was so peaceful. But suddenly that peace was replaced with fear as she began thrashing about whimpering.

"Clint!" She shouted.

"Damn," I thought, "Another nightmare about me." But there was something different about this.

"Don't! No! Not him, please!" she whimpering.

"This dream isn't about me killing her." I thought, "Its about me being killed." She flung herself into my chest sobbing my name and for a while I couldn't tell if she was still dreaming. Slowly I wrapped my arms around her holding her close.

"Tasha!" I yelled shaking her. "Nat come on open your eyes. I'm here, I'm ok."

Her eyes flew open and she grabbed the knife from the headboard throwing it at the door. She sat breathing deeply as if trying to catch her breath, still staring at the door and her arm still out from tossing the knife.

"Nat, its ok, it was just a dream." I said shaking her but she still didn't budge. "Nat?"

She slowly turned to me, she looked as though she hadn't seen me in years. "Clint," she gasped. Her hand trembled as she brought it up to my face and gently placed it on my cheek. She stayed like that for a while before she brought her other hand and placed it on my other cheek before leaning her forehead against mine. "I thought they had…" She started before she realized how much emotion she was showing. With in an instant her face lost all emotion and her hands dropped from my face. She took a deep breath before moving her forehead from mine and standing up. "I'm going to take a shower." She said plainly before she walked into her bathroom and shut the door. I knew she did her best to hide her emotion but in the silence of the room I could hear a soft sob coming from the bathroom.


End file.
